Relationships and Marriage: Struggling....Need advice please

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Sep 11, 2012 12:24 PM

I'm not quite sure where to begin. I feel like everything is falling down around me lately and I don't really have anywhere to turn. I'm far away from family, close friends, and any kind of support system. I do have a few friends here but none that I would want to burden with all of this. I'm lost, confused, and scared. I've been praying for answers but they are not coming. I've been married for a little over 3 years now. It is not the 1st marriage for either of us. We both have baggage, children from prior relationships, etc. We've been going through Christian marriage counseling for the past year. I'm starting to realize that our differences that once attracted us to each other are now pushing us apart. Our strong willed natures are causing issues. We are unable to find ways to have effective conflict resolution. One of us retreats at the slightest hint of an argument/fight while the other pushes on for resolution. We are attacking each other in unhealthy ways if the disagreements get out of control, which they normally do. There is name calling, throwing of things, verbal abuse, property damage, emotional damage, etc. I will be the first to admit that I am the one that "pushes" for resolution. I want the disagreement resolved, I don't want it to drag on for days and days stuffing my feelings. My husband on the other hand has anger management issues. If we end up in a heated debate, which everything seems to be these days, things are being thrown, names are being called, words are being said that can't be taken back and I am left crying usually cleaning up messes. I'm almost starting to believe I cause his rage but I know that is HIS problem and not mine. I have asked him to seek help yet he refuses stating he has done so in the past and he can handle it on his own. He has told me if I just wouldn't 'push his buttons" it wouldn't happen. I know this is emotional abuse. I have been down this road before. Unfortunately it led to even more. I do not believe my husband would ever physically harm me. But I know what he is doing right now is not healthy. I just don't know what to do. I have told him I will leave and of course I never do. I may pack some things up and act like I'm going but I never leave. I always stay. I love my husband and I want my marriage to work but I can't keep going on pretending everything is ok when in reality it is not. If we can't sit down like 2 adults and have discussions without fighting something is very wrong. Our counselors suggested we take "time outs" and resume the discussion when everything has cooled down. I have suggested this to my husband but his tone is one of "I'm tired of this topic. There is no more to discuss. I'm done." I'm starting to feel like my feelings don't count in this marriage. Like I'm never heard. He accuses me of dragging things out. I'm just so lost in all of this. I don't know if it was the way we were raised or what. I came from a mother/father home life. My husband was raised by his dad who was much older than normal aged parents. All I know is that I am at the point where I am considering leaving and I don't want to be here. Help me. I need some guidance.

Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/25072

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